Volturitalia
by K.Henderson
Summary: Once every year-Italy visits the Vultori to make sure that they aren't trying to take over Vultera. Edward and Bella are trying to convince the Vultori to let her live as France conquers vital regions. Interactive story I write your requests!
1. Volturitalia

**This was the OMAKE chapter to my story 'Edward Cullen and the Real Girl' which had nothing to do with the actual story and was as it was named, an OMAKE. Anyway, for those of you who love Twilight to the point of strangling those who do not like it then this story is not for you-just to make a point at the beginning and hand out a warning. If you are the type easily offended by Edward being made a fool of in anyway you have been warned. If I get a flame anyway because I made fun of Twilight then, well...all I can say is that it makes you look bad since you were 'Warned'**

**...**

**To those of you who dislike Twilight or Bella to the point of insanity and love Hetalia-bear with me. What is revealed of her character in this OMAKE is merely for the funnies.**

**-Those of you who review well...I will take requests if you ask. This OMAKE was something made early in the morning for lack of anything better to do-there was also the writers block for Edward Cullen and the Real Girl.**

**...And i wanted to write in something utterly ridiculous too.  
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**_~Volturitalia~_**

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Bella didn't know what to think as she stared into Aro's ruby red eyes. She could almost feel his hunger the total dominance in his eyes screaming for her blood and for her to yield to him as easily as any other creature would for his pleasure of their blood. Beside her Edward seemed pliant, a complete statue of grief and horror as he stared into the eyes of the monster that would surely take her life without pause.

And suddenly the light left Aro in the form of a girlish shriek and Edward's indifferent cold mask changed into something that could only be identified as absolute horror.

"My God." Caius, another of the evil vampires said his white hands breaking his throne. "It cannot be...tell me that it has not happened!"

"Is it that time of year already?!"

"Good Lord in the heavens save us!"

"I'm to young for this!"

"Ve~ciao!"

The voice did not warrant fright in Bella as it seemed to everyone else. Turning slowly (she took careful note to ignore Edward's panicked look and Alice's near feint) and stared at the boy by the door who's eyes seemed closed. He had auburn hair, tanned skin and a wild curl that seemed to have a life of its own and a blue military uniform.

"Oh Italy, thank God, it's _only_ you!" Edward breathed a sigh in relief. "I surely thought the **_HE_** would have come with you."

"Ve~ Edward it has been so long! Have you joined the Vultori?"

"He has not." Jane said in a clipped voice, Alec nodding quickly at her side. "He is here to be punished for his ways."

"Hm?" The boy, Italy, cocked his head to the side in question and all Bella could think was that he was adorable. "What did he do?"

"He told a human about us." Aro calmly spoke. He pointed to Bella. "This girl."

"Ve~but this is no big thing. This girl isn't human."

"What?" Bella asked along with the others. There was a silence that befell them as Italy latched to her side and hugged her. "Ve~ Washington's daughter is so pretty!"

"My parent's are Rene Dwyer and Charlie Swan. You're mistaken."

"Exactly you are Washington's daughter."

"My mother-"

"No."

It suddenly occurred to Bella that maybe she should have paid much more attention to her dad when he spoke about the family tree. Italy smiled brightly as he explained and Bella almost fell over from an aneurism. "My father is a **STATE**?!"

"_sì_."

She fell over in a dead faint, Edward barely managing to catch her.

"**_BELLA_**!"

After it was made clear that Edward and the Cullen's had done nothing wrong they were free to go...

...and go is what they would have done if not for the terrible sound of **_HIM_**.

"_Bonjour_...!"

Marcus was unmoving while Caius screamed and clawed at his mangled thrown. The guards all seemed to become stiff with fear while Aro and Edward clung to each other in absolute fright.

"Everyone quick, defend you **VITAL REGIONS**!" Aro shouted and Edward did just that.

"Hide the children!" Jane and Alec hid behind Felix who was busily shaking them off:

"_Gerrof _I don't want him concurring my vital regions!"

And France strolled through the door wearing nothing but roses covering his own vital regions and cat ears...

What happened that day no one will know for sure but what is certain...

The Vultori fought to protect their vital regions – and lost.

Italy, Jane, Alice and Alec made pasta. –it was good.

Bella never regained consciousness. –until she reached home and demanded the truth...which entailed meeting America her _grandfather_ who looked about her age. She fainted again.

And Edward...let's just say France molested him so much he wound up in a bar with England- both were found later by Jacob Black and America who had to drag their sorry butts home. Both were too drunk to realize their current condition. England half dressed and Edward totally naked.

France- he had a good day all around.

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_Once a year Italy visits the Vultori and like clock work France goes with him to ensure that the Vultori know who is 'boss'. The Volturi are located in Italy of course so Italy checks on them to make sure they aren't taking over or stepping on any toes (they had a really nasty time with Romania in the past and then there was the thing with the Teutonic Knights...Prussia still thirsts for vengeance although Russia is on pretty friendly terms with them-read: he scares the living crap out of them-)._

_Since Bella is reveled to be the child of a state this explains why Edward nor any other vamp power effect her. She's going to be the future Washington _maybe_. It also explains why Charlie never left Forks Washington...he is Washington. Also, I should note, Alfred-America- doesn't like the rain (which is an excuse he's just afraid of the werewolves)  
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_Much to the Vultori's and Edward consternation it's revealed that they have had many run ins with France who has a liking for Edward (since he's never changing and beautiful...France likes pretty shiny things and Edward is really like that also France thinks Ed's got a great ass.)_

_The ultimate Edward Bash is his molestation by France._

_Don't get me started on how worse the other omake will be if I get the reviews and requests to make it I'll give you a clue however...  
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_Just imagine...Shinatty-Chan, Russia, an angry Korea, Jasper and a bottle of vodka._

_I leave that with you._

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**Karin:**

**And here you have it! It was probably stupid but hey, I thought it was funny. If you have a request involving another OMAKE crossover with Twilight and Hetalia then send in a request okay. I'll do my best!**

**Review's would be nice!**

**Flames will be used to roast marshmallows-**

**-Russia will KolKolKol the flamers to an early grave or make you one with him (and not in the good way you pervs)  
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**And England will sing the marshmallow song...seriously.  
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	2. Violated in 7 seconds

**Canada Blues.**

**Alt. Title**

**(Edward Screams like a girl)**

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Matthew Williams (Canada) was a quiet boy a kind boy always had been thank you very much. He had lived with his "fathers" England and Canada both and never had given them any kind of trouble (apart from well, read some history and learn some things) either way, anything troublesome he had ever done was quickly forgiven forgotten and almost nonexistent.

Sure, it might have to do with his older, louder and sometimes obnoxious brother with his ridiculous Hero complex.

And Matthew's whole "going ghost" thing vanishing before he was incredibly overlooked and forgettable.

But the point was Matthew had never given anyone any trouble.

He didn't know how to give trouble and certainly had never had the inclination to do any harm (apart from Alfred and the whole burning of Washington thing back in 1812-in Matthew's defense, it was all Alfred's fault anyway-Alfred should have left the Governors' Mansion alone).

So to say that Matthew was down right confused when Edward Cullen (used to be Mason) squealed in terror it was easy to understand that Matthew had been concerned.

_'It must be Francis causing a raucous with the poor boy again.'_

He blindly groped the stone chair in front of him-which later he learned was Edward's arm- in his search for his glasses. They'd been knocked off during one of Felik's (Poland) tirades about uniforms, fashion and painting toilets baby blue. The Polish cross dresser's hand made a flurry of exaggerations with is hands knocking Matthew's glasses clear off his face without an apology. Although it seemed no one else had noticed either.

Matthew was just forgettable like that, it was something he had long ago come to terms with and summed it up to being the younger brother of America. Because no one can out shout America when he got going.

Or out eat him.

"It's okay Edward."

"GyaaaaH! Bella, help me!"

Canada saw a blurry white form jump into the arms of a less pale smaller form that ooffed. It had to have been a girl who dropped Edward blob a moment later. "Edwaaard you're heaaaavy!" She whined and Matthew had to suppress a groan.

_'Great, _Forks_ is here with us.'_ He thought falling on his knees and groping the stiff cold cloth covered legs of what must have been a couch. "_Mon Dieu_! That's cold."

"Yargggh! He's after my Vital Regions again! Bella protect my Vital Regions!"

"You're what? Oh, now you want to give me your vital regions. I thought you wanted to wait till marriage."

"I don't care about marriage anymore! He's doing his sex talk he's taking them he's going to conquer my vital regions and make them Paris!"

"Sex talk? He's speaking French!"

Matthew ignored the annoying duo and continued to feel around for his glasses on the floor. When he felt nothing there his hands returned to the couch legs, shivering at its coldness. His glasses might be on the couch, he thought.

His hands groped upwards the couch legs.

Edward screamed again.

"Edward!"

'Geez, how tall is this couch?' Matthew thought. His hands made it upward and froze. 'Oh this must be a tall stool!' He came to the conclusion. He moved his hands around the stood still groping.

He froze.

Edward fainted.

Bella scream, sighed, brooded and convulsed.

_'Maple!'_

Francis, Gilbert and Antonio (France/Prussia/Spain) strolled into the 'empty' UN meeting room and froze at the door.

The following is what happened in the seven seconds after the Bad Touch Trio entered the scene.

France leaped twirled and _grand jeté_ into the room like a ballerina, the background changed to pink with flowers and sparkles. He was devoid of clothing in less then a second (what he explains later is a natural talent given to anyone who is French), petals covered his regions and he cried tears of joy:

"Mon petit Mathieu! Vous êtes comme le papa oui ? Nous partagerons cette fleur éternelle ensemble!" (1)

Gilbert turned a dangerous shade of red, a vibrant green and a charming shade of eggplant. He charged into the room with tears in his red eyes (he was not crying he was angry. They were awesome manly tears of manliness). His fist connected with Edward's marble face.

"Wie Herausforderung Sie!" (2)

Antonio stared at the scene in his usual form of obliviousness, dug into the pockets of his cargo pants, pulled out his mobile and began to record a video for Lovino who would laugh at this and then probably post it on YouTube.

And Bella?

Well Bella did the only thing she knows how to do. She brooded, cried, tried to kill herself and then ran straight into Jacobs arms.

Did I mention that this all happened in 7 seconds?

Yeah.

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**(Warning: Mostly Dialogue)**

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"It was Canada, Edward."

"Yes, so?"

"You were afraid of Canada. CANADA! He can't even get a bumble bee to be afraid of him and you cried like a little girl!"

"In my defense, he looks a lot like France."

"...really?"

"Bella, my love, my reason for eternity don't shut me out now. Let us go to the meadow and reminisce about our earlier days before the Nations of the world and the 50 states introduced themselves as your loud and annoying family members."

"Excuse me? Is it my fault that New Orleans brought over her vampire buddies that happen to be a lot more sensible and realistic then your brand?"

"Lestat De Lioncourt is not sensible! He's a whiny piano playing idiot in love with his fledgling Louis, and the other one David and then that one witch what was her name?"(3)

"Rowan."

"Rowan, a married woman mind you and do not even get me started on Bill with his 'try True Blood, it tastes so much better then animal blood Edward' pah! Posers all of them!"

"...Edward I think we should see other people."

"What?"

"Look, it's not you it's me. We can still hang out and be friends-I mean Alice is your sister and she is my best friend so of course we'll be around each other."

"_You_ are breaking up with _me_?"

"I'm sorry Edward."

"Me? No, no no no no no! _I'm_ supposed to break up with _you _it would lead to you having a _nervous breakdown_ waiting like the sniveling human you are until I decide to return and grace you with my _sparkles_."

"Well I'm not like any human, I'm the daughter of a state, my grandfather is a Hero and guess what **you **live in** ME**!" The record in her hand, one of his precious favorites from the 1950's snapped in two. "Did you ever love me?"

"Of course I did."

"Then why call me sniveling, huh? I know that I'm a bit dependent on people and I can be a little bit narcissistic but I have feelings, big people feelings!"

"I know that."

"No, apparently you don't! You know what, I want you out."

"Out? Bella my love, I live here. We're in my room right now."

"No, no, no this is my room, this is my house it's my land. Did you just choose not to hear what I was saying?"

"You're being ridiculous."

"And you're an idiot! I said my father is a state didn't I?"

"Yes."

"My grandfather is America."

"So you mentioned."

"If the cities in Washington are my siblings then what would that make me?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Forks you idiot. I. Am. FORKS!"

She stormed out of the glass room breaking everything on her way out. Edward had no idea what to say. It didn't really make that much sense.

"Should I go after her?" He asked himself.

He could hear all the sounds in the house, from the living room Emmett and Peter (Sealand) were playing video games. In the kitchen Lovino (S. Italy) was cooking with Esme.

In the music room Roderich (Austria) was playing on the piano and (to Edward's consternation) rifling through Edward's music. Austria was currently rewriting Bella's Lullaby.

In the library Jasper and Ludwig (Germany) were discussing war tactics, the Civil War and Hitler-which Ludwig kept referring to as "that crazy ex-boss".

Alice was in her room dressing Feliciano (N. Italy) up in one of her favorite dresses and taking pictures while Rosalie was in the garage fixing up Arthur's (England) mangled SUV cursing Alfred (America) for his lack of caring for other's possessions.

Carlisle was having a rather deep and emotional conversation with Yao (China) who kept crying about Kiku's (Japan) betrayal. "I still have that scar, aru!"

Bella seemed to be whispering with someone in the hallway.

_'I knew she would not leave. She loves me too much to really break up with me after all, doesn't that silly girl know that I would pursue her with the cunning of a Mountain Lion?'_ He thought.

Edward eased himself onto the bed, his arms pillowed behind his head against the soft fluffy bed covers. He felt himself relax, waiting for Bella to apologize for her behavior (because she always did).

He heard the door open, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Bella?" He asked, his nose was assaulted by the scent of freesia.

And roses?

"I knew you would come back. I forgive you."

"This is good to hear, mon amour."(4)

It took three agonizingly slow seconds for Edward's to open his eyes, two seconds to look at the door.

"!" One second to scream at the sight of Francis peeking into Edward's bedroom with a horrifying expression and cat ears (naked too).

"Edward let's get _Nue, Nue Nue_...!"(5) Francis spoke in a twisted evil mantra.

"GO HOME!" Edward shouted into the air as Francis took one second to pounce.

"..."

And thus Edward's vital regions were again conquered.

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"Bloody stupid America..._hic_...I made him what he is, you understand...saved him from that bloody toad!" England waved his arms in the air, his voice slurring.

"Again, my Bella just let that...pervert attack me! I have been violated!" Edward, naked again, began to dry sob (because he can't cry) onto the wooden bar. Burk, the bartender was well used to these theatrics and just poured another round.

"I hear you!"

"I've been betrayed Arthur!"

"As have I!"

Burk, the bartender dialed two numbers he'd learned by heart the first being one he'd known since inheriting the bar in 1985 and the other a bit newer-in the past few months.

"Iggy's at it again?" Alfred shouted.

"Seriously, this is ridiculous! I should leave the Leech to rot naked in a gutter." Jacob muttered in annoyance.

The bartender locked up as the Indian man (boy really, he was fifteen) and the blond with glasses and weird curl (glasses; Texas curl; Nantucket) dragged their drunken charges home.

"Burk, mate, we'll pop in next Friday then?" Arthur slurred his face half pressed against Alfred's shoulder.

"Why's the Rum gone?!' Edward shouted as he was draped over Jacob's shoulder.

"Because you drank it all you bloody wanker!"Arthur answered with a loud burp.

"Oh, I did?" Edward tilted his head to the side and vomited.

Burk seriously considered selling the place.

"Aye."

Hopefully before next Friday.

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**1 (My little Matthew, you are like papa yes? We will share this eternal flower together!)**

**2 (How dare you!)**

**3 (Of course Edward forgot to mention that Lestat's character makes a lot of sense. And that Edward is a poor and cheap imitation of Lestat and Armand. I am not making this shit up.)**

**4 (My love)**

**5 (Naked)**

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_Chapter request complete!_

_This was for **Swinny Fluviru**. I hope I got it right, I hope you like it!_

_Anyway, for those who liked this story and wish to request a chapter then go ahead! If I like your idea I might just write it!_

_No flames okay, I don't want to have to send Switzerland on you!_

_Review please!_


	3. Edward and The Cold War

_**Edward and The Cold War  
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**Karin: A little darker then the others though it couldn't really be helped. Still hilarious at the end. I hope you all like it! Review with requests and I'll go on. No Flames!**

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Edward was in the meadow. Lying on the damp undergrowth beneath him as bursts of sunlight peeked in from the canopy of leafy trees above. The day was wondrous as the damp warmth seeped into his icy skin. He shut his golden eyes and took a deep breath purely out of indulgence, the scent of moist air intermingled with the scent of animals and the sun. It sent him into euphoria.

Today was a good day. Today Edward could relax. Since Bella had left him, since France had destroyed and pillaged his vital regions, since every little horrible thing that had happened...this was a good day. He was alone, his vital regions were safe and it didn't even hurt anymore that Bella had left him and called him an idiot.

"How nice." He said as a stray beam of warm sunlight landed on his face. He was unwinding from all the terrible things that had recently befallen him-even the French man was gone. There was no need to live in constant fear (though somewhere in the back of Edward's mind there was a chiming voice, like an old angry man shouting; "Constant Vigilance" though he couldn't be bothered with identifying it).

Suddenly a twig cracked under heavy boot in the distance causing Edward to start up. He looked cautiously towards the apex of trees wondering what it could have been.

And suddenly the sun was covered by thick gray clouds and the wind began to howl. The temperature, which had been a comfortable chill before began to drop at an alarming rate even making Edward shiver. He was reminded of those days in Moscow during The Cold War. Terrible times, horrible times really.

"Who's there?" He asked suddenly. He stood but was unable to move after that. Something was coming from the foliage of trees and bushes. He prayed that it wasn't Francis. He didn't think he could take the molestation again.

What came from the greenery of bushes and trees made Edward's breath catch (he really didn't need to breathe anyway) and his golden eyes widen to comedic proportions. He began to quake in terror at the sight before him.

"Greetings comrade," Ivan Braginski greeted with his trademark smile. His violet eyes took in Edward's shaking form and wide eyes. He began to giggle. "Oh how you shake in unparallel joy at the sight of me comrade! It reminds me so much of Latvia." He stepped into the meadow, his large feet crushing the flowers in deliberation. "It has been so long, since the beginnings of Холо́дная война́, Kholodnaya voyna. Do you remember how horrible that was? How excited you were at the very sight of so much carnage?"

"Mr. Braginski, why are you here?" Edward asked finally able to use his voice. Instead of seeing the man in front of him with his brown military jacket he saw a soldier, a menace he hadn't ever wanted to see again. A uniform covered in blood, a young man smiling with specks of red on his pale cheeks-this man _was _Russia!

"I have come to protect you друг (Friend) just like before. Do you remember? When you left your family, how I used to bring to you the bad men to kill. Oh how you loved the slaughter, do you remember?" Ivan laughed as though it were all a joke. "I remember. Natalya remembers, that is what makes her so silent and serious, what makes her so insane." Edward remembered, he remembered the small white haired little girl that he had made watch.

The slaughter. The death. He had made Belarus watch as he killed all those men, innocent men all in the name of Russia.

"What do you want? It can't be to talk of old times, Mr. Braginski." He crossed his arms across his chest. "If you have nothing to say, then leave."

"Oh I have much to say." Ivan opened his arms to Edward and smiled. "Come back to me, друг. Join Russia, да?"

"..."

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Matthew Williams and Jacob Black had been exploring the trees or rather, Matthew was exploring. Jacob had decided long ago after meeting Canada that he would try to make the visits more comfortable and fun. It wasn't easy, sometimes Jacob would almost forget Matthew was there. They got along very well and soon Jacob was bending to Matthew's will as though coiled around Canada's finger.

**_"...!!!!!!!!!!!"_**

"What is that?" Canada asked, pausing in his half climb up a thin tree. Jacob also paused, staring in the direction of the whispered scream

"Someone in pain?"

"Someone terrified?"

"Edward." The said at once, looked at one another and ran in the direction of the shout hoping to see what had caused the mentally unstable vampire to scream in such terror. Matthew was certain that Francis had gone back home so it couldn't be Francis' fault. He was curious as to what had caused Edward to scream.

Jacob didn't so much care as to what made Edward scream in terror he just wanted to see the expression on his face (which incidentally caused him an unexplainable amount of joy that left him smiling for hours).

When they reached the meadow they were torn; should they laugh at the sight of Edward Cullen, obviously fallen in dead faint with foam coming from the mouth? Or should they run in terror at the tall Russian twirling a glimmering water pipe in his hand with a demented smile on his shadowed face.

"I do not know what happened." Russia said still smiling. His purple eyes now trained on Cananda and Jacob. "He seemed so happy to see me until I ask him to come back to Mother Russia." He pouted and it was almost cute (Jacob thought at least) until the shadow over Ivan's eyes deepened causing his purple eyes to glow. "All will be with Mother Russia eventually, why not come with me now when it makes no difference, да?"

Jacob transformed, Matthew clung to his back as both ran back towards safety leaving a very confused Russian and an almost catatonic Edward behind.

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**Karin: Yeah a majority of it was dark. Sorry about that. I've been thinking about what Edwrad had done when he went MIA and this was the result.**

**Also, Hetalia's all cute and hilarious but all the nations have a darker past especially everyone's favorite homicidal maniac Russia. It was easy to put them together-Edward having lived with Russia for a short time in the beginning of the cold war, Russia feeding Edward humans who were bad (Edward calls them innocent because of his personality. Remember in the book when he basically called himself a monster for feeding on bad people? Yeah he's an idiot). And I figured it would be shocking to find out that it was Edward that drove Belarus insane. (In my head I picture him being the epitome of evil when he wasn't with Carlisle.)**

**It's easy to make fun of him since everyone forgets he actually had a pretty evil past (he's such a pansy now its disgusting). Don't worry though, the next time I write Russia and Edward it wont be dark at all, instead it will be pretty funny (Russia appearing in odd places scaring the crap out of everyone because he wants Edward back so much).**

**Well review with requests and don't flame please!**

**-Karin**


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